Giant Steps

41 years, I was married. My husband lost his battle with cancer and other diseases from side effects of agent orange in January of this year.
My husband wasn't the best of men but he loved me as best he could considering he fought the Viet Nam war over and over. By this I mean he couldn't forgive himself for the things he had to do in Viet Nam.
He told me over and over again God will never forgive me for what I've done but he never would go into detail what he had done.
It didn't matter how many times I told him that God would forgive anything. He would say you weren't there you don't know.
Now he's gone and I fear he's lost. He once had the Holy Ghost and tried to live for God.
He was baptized in Jesus Name,I'm praying that God did forgive and he suffered enough for the sins he could not forgive himself for.
Now I find myself in the midst of a strange land .
Not knowing which direction to take.
I've given up my home and moved in with family.
I told God I would give it all up to be able to live for him and to feel his spirit moving in my life again.
I gave up on my dreams when I turned from my calling.
I've lived in a dry and unforgiving land within my own life and spirit.
I want to fall in love again with my Jesus, and let him guide my footsteps in the direction he wants me to go.
My mind tells me I'm to old and crippled for God to use but my heart says it doesn't matter let God be the judge and be willing to do whatever he wills.
Giant steps that's what I'm taking.